


Close As Strangers

by nothingbutsandanddust



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Actually Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Sharing a Bed, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wells Jaha Lives, and not one brain cell between them, they all have communication issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingbutsandanddust/pseuds/nothingbutsandanddust
Summary: “Please don’t go.” His desperate plea shattered her heart. “I don’t- I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Don’t leave me.”Clarke sunk back down next to him, cradling his cold face between her hands. This time he didn’t flinch away.-Bellamy and Clarke have been best friends since kindergarten, inseparable ever since she’d punched the kid who’d made fun of his freckles even though she knew she’d get in trouble for it. Until the first day of middle school, that is, when Bellamy humiliated Clarke in front of their entire class and acted as if they were never friends. It’s their senior year of high school and they're as competitive as ever, their rivalry and animosity infamous at Ark High. But when Bellamy shows up at her door in the middle of the night, face tear-stained and left eye swollen shut, Clarke learns that there may have been more to the end of their friendship than she’d thought.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Wells Jaha/Roan
Comments: 23
Kudos: 89
Collections: t100fic4blm Donation Celebration





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moodboard is made by the lovely @broashwhat on tumblr.

* * *

The bell finally rang and Clarke slammed her laptop shut, rushing to shove all her stuff into her bag and rush out of the class as soon as she could. The faster she could get away from the classroom, the faster she could get away from Bellamy Blake. Fucking asshole. Not only did he make it a point to pick apart every single argument she made, but he also had to humiliate her while doing it. Usually, she would argue right back, the two of them bickering back and forth until, inevitably, they were told off by whatever teacher whose class they were currently in. Today, however, she had been distracted and sleep-deprived, unable to keep up or cope with Bellamy’s biting remarks whenever she spoke so she’d remained silent. The class passed by as she sat sullenly, doodling in the margins of her notes and studiously ignoring the confused glances her rival kept shooting at her. 

Just as she was slinging her backpack over her shoulder to leave, Mr. Pike called out, “Oh, I almost forgot. I need to assign you guys partners for your project. Since it’s done in pairs you’ll work with the person you’re sharing your desk with.” No. No, no, no. Shit. The one day she arrived late to find that Murphy had stolen her seat and she was stuck with his Pike decided to pull this? 

As everyone gathered their things and made for the door, Clarke headed towards Mr. Pike’s desk, determined not to be stuck with her arch-nemesis for the big semester project. It was clearly a mistake, surely Pike would understand. She waited patiently until her classmates had filed out before she approached her teacher. When Murphy walked past her, she shot him a withering glare and he winced at her apologetically.

“Clarke,” the history teacher smiled brightly at her, “what can I do for you?”

Clasping her hands behind her, Clarke forced a smile onto her face. “I have a question regarding the pairings for the group project.” A knowing glint appeared in his eyes and she rushed to get the rest of her words out. “I know you said that we have to work with the person we were sitting next to today but-”

“No buts, Clarke, I was incredibly clear in my instructions.” 

“But, sir, you know I don’t normally sit there. It was just a mistake because I was late. I work so well with Emori, you know that, and I’m sure Murphy wouldn’t mind switching partners with me.” Her tone was bordering on pleading. There was no way in hell she would spend hours on end with Bellamy Blake for weeks. 

“Again, I will not be switching anyone’s partners for the project. John will be working with Emori and you will be working with Bellamy. End of discussion.” He snapped his briefcase shut and headed towards the door. Before he left, he paused and glanced back at her defeated form. “You two are my top students, I know you’re both capable of creating an amazing project together. I look forward to receiving it.” And with that, he left.

Slumping down on a desk, Clarke let out a loud groan. This was going to be the worst semester of her life. 

* * *

“I hate you. Why must you ruin my life? You are truly the bane of my existence.”

“Well, hello to you too, Griffin. Oh, yeah, my day’s been pretty good so far, how’s yours?” Murphy drawled, snapping the door of his locker shut and leaning against it. Clarke glared at him as she opened her own and began to pull her AP biology books out. 

“You see, one of my best friends decided to stab me in the back, steal my seat, and force me to work with the devil himself for the rest of my semester.” She slammed her locker shut. “So you know, not great.” 

Wincing, Murphy rubbed the back of his neck. “Come on, Griff. You know I didn’t know Pike was going to pull that shit with the projects today or I wouldn’t have sat next to Emori. I’m sorry.” Arms crossed, Clarke surveyed her friend sternly for another moment before she sighed, the irritation seeping from her in a moment.

“Yeah, I know. You’re forgiven. Now all I gotta do is figure out how to survive the next few months without stabbing Bellamy and/or myself.” 

“Aw, what’s the matter, Princess? Can’t handle being forced to work with the measly peasants?” Clarke didn’t have to turn to see the conceited smirk on Bellamy’s face, she had the expression practically memorized after so many years. Indeed, when she whirled to face him she found him staring down at her, eyes dark with malice and his lips quirked upwards teasingly. God, he was an ass. There was no way she could deal with being alone with him for so long. 

Clenching her jaw, she glared right back up at him. “More like I don’t feel like doing all the work while you go around flirting with anything with a heartbeat.” Besides being the biggest pain in her ass, Bellamy was notoriously Ark High’s manwhore. 

He flashed her the very winning smile that had girls jumping into bed with him but only caused Clarke to level him with an unimpressed frown. “No need to be jealous, Princess. If you want to be one of those girls, all you have to do is ask.” He winked at her and Clarke rolled her eyes. “Besides, by the looks of your silence in class today, I’ll be the one doing all the work.”

“The day I want you to flirt with me will be the day Hell freezes over. And I was just giving you a chance to actually seem smart today. Don’t worry, I won’t make that mistake again,” she snapped and bulldozed on before he could retort. “Now, is there a particular reason you’ve decided to come bother me or were you just bored?”

The amusement had faded from his expression and his brown eyes flashed angrily as they bored into hers. They held each other’s cold gazes for a long moment. It was Bellamy who looked away first, the muscles in his jaw clenching tightly before he spoke, “We need to figure out times to meet up and do the project. I thought I’d come see when Her Highness has time to slot me into her busy schedule.” There was a bitter edge to his smile that shot a twinge through her heart but Clarke ignored it and its implications. The time for feeling hurt at Bellamy’s hatred for her was long passed. 

Instead of sniping back at him, she simply sighed, the fight seeping out of her. Today was not the day for any of this. “I’m free after school on Thursdays and Tuesdays. If you don’t have time on either of those days I can try to do Sundays after four too.” 

A beat of silence passed between them as he stared at her with those intense dark eyes. If Clarke didn’t know any better, she would have thought they seemed concerned but that was ridiculous. Bellamy couldn't care less about her, not anymore anyway. 

Finally, he nodded and took a step back, an unreadable mask slipping over his features. “Thursdays are good for me. Should we meet at the library right after school?” At Clarke’s nod, he turned away. 

For a moment, Clarke watched his retreating form before shaking her head and turning back to Murphy, who was staring at her with a strange expression on his face. 

“What?” She demanded, furrowing her brows.

Her friend merely shook his head and waved away her concern. “Nothing. Just- you aren’t exactly helping to ease the animosity between the two of you either.” Immediately, Clarke opened her mouth to retort but Murphy held up a hand to silence her protests. “And I know it was Bellamy who fucked this all up in the first place but you’ve both just been making it worse for years. At some point you’ve got to fix all this.”

“Nope. I’m just fine with spending the rest of senior year hating Bellamy Blake for being an asshole until I thankfully never have to see him again. We don’t need to get along.” The words tasted bitter on her tongue, lies even though she’d spent years telling herself they shouldn’t be. 

Clearly, Murphy could hear the lack of honesty in her tone but didn’t press her on it, instead saying, “You are if you want to get the best grade you can on this project.” He was right. Damn him for being so right. “I’m just saying, one of you is going to have to extend the olive branch and it may as well be you, seeing as Blake is too much of an idiot to pull his head out of his ass.” He paused, his eyes turning serious in a manner she’d only very rarely seen. “I know you, Clarke. I know you hate fighting with him like this and I don’t like seeing you hurt. Just think about it, yeah?”

Unable to form the words to respond, Clarke merely nodded and turned away, heading to her AP Bio class with Murphy’s words echoing around in her head.

* * *

By the time Thursday rolled around, Clarke had come to the decision to take Murphy’s advice. Which, considering it was _Murphy’s_ advice, was a horrible decision really. But she was Clarke Griffin and horrible decisions were as much a part of her as her stubbornness so she figured she might as well go with it. Besides, it wasn’t like her relationship with Bellamy could get any worse than it already was. The only way to go from rock bottom was up. At least that was what Harper had said anyway, when she’d informed her friend of her intentions. 

Sighing, Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose and steeled herself. Then, she stepped into the library and began looking around for Bellamy. It seemed she’d arrived first so she made her way to an empty table and began to unpack her things, grateful for the time she had to gather her thoughts. She was under no misconception that it would be easy to try and mend this broken thing between her and Bellamy, not after so long. At this point, her negative reaction to him was instinctual self-preservation. Offense was the best defence, after all. But God, she missed the time when that wasn’t the case, something she hadn’t allowed herself to admit in years. 

Deep in thought, Clarke didn’t notice Bellamy’s arrival until he was dumping his books on the table in front of her with a loud thud that quite literally made her jump. 

“Hope I haven’t kept Her Highness waiting. Wouldn’t want to waste your precious time, Princess,” Bellamy sneered, dropping into the seat across from her. Even after so long she could tell he was upset. Which meant he’d be in a worse mood than usual. _Perfect._

Groaning internally, Clarke leaned forward and forced a smile onto her face. This was going to be harder than she’d thought. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t here for long at all.” Bellamy simply blinked at her before nodding and pulling out his laptop silently. When he opened his computer she did the same, pulling up a blank document to start planning their ideas. 

“Alright, so what are you thinking? Any ideas yet?” She prompted, leaning forward in her chair. He gave her another bewildered look but nodded slowly and began to voice the ideas he’d come up with. Even she couldn't deny that they were good ideas. _Figures_ , she thought as his warm voice washed over her in the quiet of the library, _he always loved history the most_. The soft clicking of her keyboard was the only sound accompanying his voice as she noted down what he said, adding to his ideas where she could. Once he was done she chimed in with her own thoughts and, surprisingly, he nodded along to many of them without any cruel criticisms. They began planning out their project and she was surprised to see that they still worked well together. 

_So far, so good_. A small smile played about her lips and she ducked her head to hide it but that meant she missed the tiny grin Bellamy was concealing as well. Of course, it was at that moment everything had to fall apart again. 

“I think we should discuss Bisma-” Clarke’s ringtone exploding loudly in the silent library cut her off and she scrambled to pull it out and silence it, the heat rushing to her pale cheeks. Before she could hang up, the caller ID caught her eye and her heart lurched. Quickly, she pushed away from the table and raised the phone to her ear. 

“Wells?” Her voice was a quiet gasp drowned out by the sound of her blood roaring in her ears.

“Hey, Lark.” His voice was hoarse from disuse but the sound of it and his childhood nickname for her had tears springing to her eyes. 

“Oh my God!” She could barely hold back her tears as a bright grin broke out across her face and she rushed to shove everything back into her bag. “Hold on, I’ll be right there. Oh my God.”

“No, Clarke, you don’t need to rush over. If you’re busy-” 

“Don’t even try it, Wells. I’m not doing anything important enough not to come over. I’ll see you in ten. I love you.” With that, she hung up, slung her backpack over a shoulder, and turned to leave. The thought that anything could keep her away from her oldest friend after he’d just woken from a months-long coma was ridiculous. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Oh, right. Bellamy was still here. She turned to find him glaring at her and sighed deeply through her nose. She didn’t have time for this.

“To see Wells. He just wo-”

“No, I heard you on the phone with your boyfriend but we have a project to do. You can’t just run away to go spend time with him whenever he calls because you don’t think I’m as- that this project isn’t as important as spending time with your little prince.” Clarke understood he was pissed off but the intensity of the loathing in his eyes took her aback. 

“We’ve been working for an hour already, it’s not that big a deal. This is really important so I-”

“Yeah, don’t worry, Princess, I get it.” He sneered. “Go, run away like you always do. It’s not like I expected you to work anyway when you get everything you could ever need shoved down your throat with a silver spoon.” 

Let the record show that she had tried being the bigger person but _fuck_ , Bellamy Blake was just the worst. 

“You know what, I’m done. Fuck you, Bellamy. I have been nothing but kind to you the entire day and you’ve just been looking to pick a fight. Well, you have your fucking fight. Yeah, I’m leaving in the middle of working on our project because my best friend just woke up from a coma, which I would have told you if you had given me the chance to take a breath before you jumped down my throat.” Bellamy blanched, but she wasn’t done. “But make no fucking mistake, you’re the one who is running away. You’re the one who started running seven years ago and haven’t stopped. You want to make me out to be the bad guy so badly because you think I’m just a privileged bitch and that’s why we’re not friends anymore but you never considered that you’re the one who drove me away. So, fuck you, Bellamy. I’m done.”

With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the library. She didn’t turn back to see the devastation that crumbled Bellamy’s face.

* * *

By the time Clarke had made it to Wells’ room the anger and frustration after her fight with Bellamy had been washed away by the wave of anxiety at finally seeing her best friend after so long. Worse, at finally seeing her best friend after the fight they’d had right before the accident. Ever since she’d gotten the call from the hospital, Clarke had spent every moment wishing she could just take back the words she’d said to him right before he’d gotten into his car and driven off into the night. Right before he’d swerved to avoid hitting a deer and slammed into a tree, head cracking against the glass. 

Swallowing, she raised her fist to the door and rasped her knuckles hesitantly against the wood. For the split second she waited for a reply, Clarke considered turning and running. It had always been easier for her to run. The thought brought Bellamy’s snarling face into the forefront of her mind. _Run away like you always do_. He didn’t know her- hasn’t known her for seven years. She would not run. 

When Wells’ answering “Come in” sounded, she didn’t hesitate to open the door, an apologetic expression already on her face before she’d fully stepped into the space. It was a room she’d become so familiar with over the past months that she could navigate it blindfolded. Of course, it was wide and spacious - nothing but the best money could procure for Thelonious Jaha’s beloved son - with Wells’ bed at the center. There was a tv hanging on the wall across from the bed and a couch against the wall to the left of it. A large, comfy chair had been pushed close to the right side that Clarke occupied more often than not these days. Everything had become so familiar to her it was a shock to see the Wells sitting atop the crisp white sheets. The disruption to the space was disorienting- Clarke loved it. 

“Clarke,” his voice, though still hoarse, was as warm and loving as ever. Clarke immediately burst into tears. 

“I’m so s-sorry, Wells. For all those awful things I said and- and you have to know I didn’t mean any of them.” Her attempt at wiping the tears off her cheek only resulted in spreading the moisture across her skin. “You’re my best- best friend. I love you so much.” _I hate you. You’re dead to me. Get out!_ The words she’d screamed at him that night still haunted her. The heartbreak and devastation on his face right before he’d left even more so. 

“Hey, Clarke, it’s okay. I know, I forgive you.” He smiled warmly and even though that only made more tears stream down her face, the heaviness of her heart lightened. “Now come over here. I think if your best friend is in the hospital he is at least owed a comfort hug.” Clarke let out a watery chuckle and carefully sat down next to Wells, wrapping her arms around him in a firm but cautious hug. 

“I missed you so much,” she whispered once they’d separated. The tears had finally ceased, giving way to the bright smile now stretching widely across her face. He mirrored her smile.

“Now,” he said after a moment, “what have I missed? I just know you idiots all fell apart without me.”

Clarke laughed. “Oh, you have no idea…” Then, she began recounting any semi-interesting event that had taken place since the accident, sparing him no detail, no matter how dull. 

It was only after Wells and the nurse literally forced her out that she finally agreed to leave and when she arrived back home it was pitch black. Even though she knew her mother would not be home, Clarke still knocked on the front door, waiting and hoping that it would be opened to welcome her in. Of course, it wasn’t and her shoulders slumped as she began to dig around her bag for her house keys. Finally, she fished them out and slipped the cool metal into the lock, pushing open the door and stepping into the cold house. Dropping her bag and keys by the door - something that her mother would surely be pissed about in the morning (if she was even back by morning, that was) - Clarke headed straight for her room. It had been a long, eventful day and without the excitement of speaking with Wells again to drive her, her exhaustion finally caught up with her.

Dressed in her pajama shorts and an old, paint-flecked tank top, Clarke made to slip under her covers when a loud pounding against the front door echoed through her empty home. The rain had begun pouring down so hard at some point that she thought at first it could have just been a sound stemming from the storm raging outside. But when the pounding sounded again she couldn't deny that it had to be someone at the door. A quick glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand confirmed that it was the middle of the night. Who the hell could that be? Her mother, perhaps, but she certainly had her keys on her. Although, there was a possibility she’d lost them, considering she was too high to think straight most days. Grabbing her phone and her old tennis racket (just in case), Clarke pushed the covers off and crept down the stairs. It was too dark to see who stood on her porch through the peephole but it was certainly not her mother. The figure was too tall, with shoulders too broad and hair too short. 

If she was smart, she would go back up to her room, lock the door, and call the police. That was what a reasonable young woman would do when she was alone in her house and a strange man was pounding at her door in the middle of the night. But there was something that stopped her. The figure had seemed familiar, from what little she could see. Clarke hesitated for a minute then made a rash, idiotic decision that could get her killed. _See,_ she could practically hear Wells’ exasperated voice, _dumb shit like this is why white people always die in horror movies._ She punched 9-1-1 into her phone but didn’t click on the call button, instead letting her thumb hover over it as she flicked the switch that would turn on the porch lights and glanced back out through the peephole. 

A gasp escaped from her lips and she dropped the phone and racket, rushing to unlock the front door with frantic hands. It swung open to reveal Bellamy Blake. He was soaking wet, dark curls pasted to his forehead and blue shirt clinging to his skin. Skin that looked worryingly pale as opposed to the warm golden brown it usually was. But what was most shocking about his appearance was his left eye, swollen shut and bruised a sickening black. 

“Oh my God, Bellamy.” Even after everything that has transpired between the pair, Clarke didn’t hesitate to pull him into the house. She kicked the door shut behind them, quickly locking it, before leading him up to her room. He didn’t resist for a moment, allowing himself to be led around and pushed down onto her soft mattress without so much as a blink of an eye. 

Without thinking, she ran her fingertips gently over the black eye. Her fingers had barely ghosted against his skin when he flinched back. Immediately, she withdrew her hand, remembering that they weren’t friends anymore, that she couldn't touch him like that anymore. Despite that, she couldn't seem to stop caring about him and seeing him like this… 

“Bell,” the old nickname fell from her lips in a fragile whisper, “what happened?”

When he didn’t move, Clarke thought he wouldn’t answer her so she sighed, getting up to go grab an ice pack for his eye. No sooner than she’d turned towards the door did she feel something wrap gently around her wrist. Startled, she turned to find Bellamy’s hand grasping her arm, keeping her frozen in place. He was staring up at her with wide eyes, vulnerable in a way she had not seen in years. 

“Please don’t go.” His desperate plea shattered her heart. “I don’t- I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Don’t leave me.” 

Clarke sunk back down next to him, cradling his cold face between her hands. This time he didn’t flinch away, even leaning into her touch a little. 

“Hey, I’m not leaving you.” She reassured firmly, smiling gently in an effort to comfort him. “I’m just going to get you an ice pack for your eye, a towel, and maybe some dry clothes. You’re freezing.” And he was. She hadn’t missed the way he was shivering. “Okay?” 

Bellamy’s eyes roamed over her face as if assessing whether she was being truthful before he finally nodded. “Okay.” 

“I’ll be right back.” She couldn't help but add just as she slipped out the door. 

As she made her way down the steps she couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on and what she thought she was doing. Years had passed since their last civil interaction. Hell, only hours ago they were screaming in each other’s faces. Yet Bellamy had shown up at her door, soaked and bruised, in the middle of the night and she’d welcomed him in without a moment’s hesitation, caring for him as if the last seven years hadn’t happened. It was ridiculous. Absolutely crazy. But there was no reluctance from either of them and, despite the somber circumstances, it finally felt right between them again. They had taken care of each other, so long ago, more than anyone else had. It was instinct to do so, even now. 

When Clarke returned to her room - two towels slung over a shoulder, Wells’ sweatpants and hoodie he’d left here once, and an ice pack in her hand - Bellamy hadn’t moved an inch. His hands were clasped tightly between his knees and his head hung limply, hair falling over his forehead to obscure his features.

“Bellamy?” At the sound of her voice, his head shot up and the relief that washed over his features hurt. Had he really thought she would leave him? “Here’s some towels and dry clothes you should change into.” She handed them to him then gestured to the en suite bathroom. “You can dry off and get changed in there. You can hang the wet clothes on the radiator for now. I’ll be waiting right out here for you.” Without a word, he nodded and stumbled into the toilet, swinging the door shut behind him slowly. 

Clarke dropped onto her bed, trying to make sense of what was happening. All she could do was wonder how the hell he had gotten that bruise. Judging by the lack of injuries across his knuckles, it hadn’t been in a fight. The thought of someone hurting him like that… She flinched, staring back at the bathroom door. As if she’d willed it open, Bellamy emerged from behind the white wood, his hair rumpled and still damp from being dried haphazardly. She jumped to her feet, grabbing the ice pack and reaching up to press it against his face. His hand came up to cover hers and she slipped the pack into it, letting him hold it against his bruise as she led him back to her bed. 

They sat in silence for a minute but she couldn't hold her questions back for long, “What’s going on, Bell?” His eyes barely flickered to hers before they returned to burning a hole in her carpeted floor, but she didn’t miss the tears that glistened in them. “Who did that to you?” Suddenly, he jumped to his feet, the ice pack dropping to the ground with a quiet thunk. 

“I’m sorry,” he was saying as he headed towards the door, “I shouldn’t have come here I- You hate me and you’re right to. I can’t just- I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’m sorry.” 

“Hey.” She was on her feet in an instant, rushing to grab his arm just as he yanked the door open. At her touch, he froze but didn’t move to look at her. “I don’t hate you, Bell. I’ve tried to. I wanted to but I can’t hate you. I’m worried about you.” She bit her lip. “You don’t have to leave. It’s late and there’s a storm and I- I don’t want you to go.” When he didn’t respond she was worried he would take off anyway but then he nodded and her shoulders slumped in relief. They sat back down next to each other on the bed, close but not touching. A heavy silence stretched between them but Clarke didn’t dare ask him questions again for fear of driving him to leave. 

“How?” Bellamy breaking the silence caused her to jump and she turned to stare at him with wide eyes. She furrowed her brows at him questioningly. “How do you not hate me? After everything I’ve done. I’ve been so horrible to you…” He sniffed and Clarke immediately pulled him into her arms. This was _Bellamy_ , she knew how hard it was for him to be vulnerable like this with anyone. 

“I haven’t exactly been nice to you either,” she chuckled but he just stared at her with a frown. 

“It’s different, Clarke. I started this. I ruined our friendship. I hurt you. I- I made you cry,” he whispered, averting his eyes in shame and guilt. She wanted to tell him it was fine, to get him to look back up at her, but she couldn't. It wasn’t fine. It had hurt. 

She moved a slight bit away and asked, “Why did you?” 

Clenching his jaw, Bellamy faced the ceiling, which she knew meant he was trying to keep his tears at bay. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does,” she insisted. “It matters to me. I’ve been trying to make some sort of sense of what went wrong for _seven_ years but I can’t figure it out. You owe me that at least.”

“I _can’t_ , Clarke. Not tonight. I’m sorry but I just can’t tell you yet.” His plea was followed by silence during which Clarke studied his desperate face. She could tell he was upset, that the reason their friendship had ended tormented him perhaps more than it had her. Now that was something she hadn’t expected. 

“Okay. You don’t have to tell me yet.” She spoke slowly, thinking carefully through every word. “But at least tell me this; do you regret it?”

“Ending our friendship? And how I treated you afterwards?” She nodded. “Clarke, there are few things I’ve regretted more in my life. Please believe me.” To her shock, he leaned across and grabbed her hand, engulfing it in his much larger one. 

She stared down at their joined hands before she lifted her eyes to study his face, only to find him looking straight back at her. This time, she broke the stare first. Her voice was quiet when she asked, “So why didn’t you try and fix things?”

“I didn’t regret it at first.” She could feel his eyes on her but she firmly kept her gaze on their interlocked hands. “I was an idiot and thought I was doing the right thing. By the time I finally realized just how much I’d fucked up, I was too ashamed to talk to you.” She remembered that, the few months when she was fourteen and he was fifteen where he'd stopped talking to her altogether. It had been worse than when they’d been fighting, although she couldn't bring herself to admit it at the time. “I didn’t feel like I deserved to be your friend anymore, that was even if you forgave me so it was easier just not to talk to you. Then, one night at a party I got drunk for the first time and Murphy was there. I don’t know, I guess I spilled my guts to him, both literally and metaphorically, that night.” 

“Is that when Murphy started talking to you again?” She questioned. Their friends had all been just as shocked by Bellamy’s behaviour towards her, with Murphy, Harper, Wells, and Monty taking her side and cutting ties with Bellamy unless he apologized. Raven had stuck with Bellamy and, while she still talked to Murphy, Monty, and Harper often enough, she’d also iced Wells and Clarke out. Emori had shown up years after this had all gone down so she didn’t really have a side besides Murphy’s. When they were fourteen, Clarke had been shocked to find him talking to Bellamy again, when he and Wells had been the most protective of her when Bellamy had first cut her off. This certainly explained some things, especially why he’d been pushing for her to extend the first olive branch. 

Nodding in confirmation, Bellamy continued his story, “You know, in the beginning, I thought you’d made our friends choose between us, which made me even more pissed off at you but Murphy set me straight on that quick.” At that memory, Bellamy finally chuckled and she smiled. “Anyway, the next morning he yelled at me for thirty minutes then promptly told me to stop being such a coward and just talk to you. It took me another month to work up the courage but when I finally went up to you that day,” he let out a wavering breath and she gave his hand an encouraging squeeze, earning her a brittle but grateful smile, “you just looked at me so coldly and, God, I froze. It just really hit me at that moment that I could have very well been too late. That I’d fucked up so badly and for so long that there was no saving our friendship. That you wouldn’t hear my apology or that you would and decide I wasn’t worth your forgiveness. I certainly didn’t think I was. So, what came out instead of an apology were more insults. It was easier to keep pretending I hated you than leave myself vulnerable to your rejection. It was stupid and I regretted it every day since. Every morning I’d wake up and tell myself ‘okay, today’s the day I fix things’ but I never managed it. There’s no excuse for what I did, I was wrong. I’m a fucking coward and I’m so, so sorry, Clarke.” Tears were streaming down his face freely now but when Clarke lifted her hand to wipe them from his cheeks he jerked away, shaking his head. “No, Clarke, don’t. I was being honest when I said I shouldn’t have come but I’m selfish on top of being a coward. I’m not telling you any of this for your forgiveness or comfort. You shouldn’t. I don’t deserve that. But you were right, you deserve an explanation and this- this is all I can give you. I’m sorry.”

Even though her body screamed at her to, Clarke kept from reaching out to comfort him. Instead, she spoke, her voice firm but kind, “Bell, look at me please.” It took a moment, but he did, eyes vulnerable and sad, swimming with unspoken guilt alongside the glistening tears. “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven. I understand. I won’t pretend that it’s okay or that I wasn’t hurt or that we can just go back to the way it was before. But I’d like to try if you do.” He nodded, his lips parted in an expression that could only be described as pure wonder. “So I forgive you. Besides, I was horrible to you as well. I’m sorry too.”

A bright, hopeful grin broke out across his face and he reached out to tuck a loose curl back behind her ear. “I forgive you too. God, Clarke I-” He cut himself off abruptly, eyes going wide and the grin melting off his face. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” his smile returned, smaller but no less joyful, “just- thank you.” She grinned brightly and before she knew what was happening, he had pulled her into an embrace. 

After so long, being in Bellamy’s arms felt like Clarke had finally come home. 

In the end, it was Clarke who pulled away first, missing the warmth of his touch immediately after losing it but it was almost two in the morning and they both had to show up to school in the morning. He looked at her with questioning eyes and she shot him a reassuring smile.

“As much as I’ve missed this, we should probably get some sleep,” she said, pulling back the covers on the bed. 

“Right.” he glanced at the alarm clock, eyes widening at the late time. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry I showed up like this.”

“Bellamy?” Her voice sounded stern as she spoke his name.

“Yeah?”

“Stop apologizing.”

Ducking his head in that adorable way he often did, he smiled. But then he glanced back up to wave at her then turned and headed towards the door.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?” 

He paused with a confused look on his face. “Home. You were right, we need to get some sleep.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bell,” she huffed, getting up to drag him back to the bed, “You’re crazy if you think I’m letting you go out so late. Much less in the middle of a rainstorm.” 

“I can look out for myself, Princess.” Even though he was teasing her, the malice that had characterized his voice for so long now was gone. 

“I know that. Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna worry about you.” Blushing, she avoided his eyes and plowed forward, “Besides, there’s no point in you going all the way home when there’s a perfectly good bed for you here.” 

“Even if I stay,” which was Bellamy for _okay, I’ll stay_ , “there’s no way I’m taking your bed while you sleep on the bed.”

“Of course you are. You’re hurt and need to stay warm after being soaked in the cold rain. This isn’t really up for discussion.”

“Up for discussion? I didn’t realize you were my mother, _Princess_.” She blinked, taken aback by the venom in the nickname that had morphed from affectionate back to mocking in the matter of a moment.

Silence descended over them, suddenly and violently reminding her that they weren’t friends anymore, despite the truce they’d called. Clenching her jaw, she stared down at the sheets she had fisted in her hands. “Well, I’m not going to let you take the couch.”

“Neither am I.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” 

To her shock, he slipped beneath the covers. She stared at him for a minute but he’d already rolled onto his side, his back facing her. Finally, she tore her gaze away and laid down on her back. The distance between their bodies was filled with a thick tension neither of them could acknowledge. 

“Goodnight, Bell,” she whispered quietly, unsure if he could hear her. When his answer didn’t come and sleep began to tug at her heavy eyelids she thought he hadn’t.

But then, so softly that she didn’t know if she’d dreamt it or not, his voice sounded in the quiet of her bedroom, “Goodnight, Clarke.”

* * *

_2008_

_First day of kindergarten_

“I don’t want to go!” Clarke stomped her foot angrily and crossed her small arms over her chest. Jake Griffin looked down at his daughter with an amused smile. “Wells told me that Riley told him that the other kids in kindergarten are mean. He said they’d pull my hair and call me names because I won’t have any friends because Wells is going to the fancy school that you didn’t let Mom put me in. I’m gonna be alone!” She made to storm off back to the car but her father grabbed her shoulders gently. 

Turning her around, he knelt down to her level and flicked her nose playfully in an effort to get rid of her pout. When she still didn’t smile, he sighed and said, “Honey, I promise you it will be fine. You’ll make plenty of new friends. And you know that if anyone’s mean to you, you can come tell me and we’ll sort it out. But I also know you’re a strong, brave girl and you can stand up to anyone who’s being mean. Isn’t that right?”

At that, Clarke lifted her chin high and exclaimed, “I’m the bravest!”

“And brave girls go to school even when they’re scared. That’s what makes them brave. So, are you going to go in now?” After a moment’s hesitation, the little girl squared her shoulders and nodded, marching off into the school without waiting for her father. The man chuckled as he followed her in. 

“Jake!” A nice looking old woman exclaimed, glancing right over Clarke at her father. The pout appeared on her face once more at being ignored. “It’s so good to see you after so long. What are you doing here?”

Jake’s hands landed on his daughter’s shoulders as he smiled warmly at the woman. “Hello, Mrs. Kane, it’s nice to see you too. I’m here to drop off my daughter, Clarke,” Mrs. Kane’s eyes finally dropped to the blonde but the small girl didn’t smile, “for her first day of school.”

“This is your little daughter? Oh, she’s grown into such a beautiful girl since I last saw her!” Mrs. Kane grinned at her and Clarke finally cracked a smile. “Hi, dear, I’m Mrs. Kane, I’ll be your teacher this year.” She returned her gaze to Jake. “Don’t worry, I’ll take great care of her. She’s going to love being in my class.”

“I hope so. She’s a smart one, just a little shy in the beginning.” Jake knelt down and pressed a quick kiss to his daughter’s cheek. “Bye, honey, I’ll come pick you up right after school. Try and make friends with the other kids, okay? They’ll be just as nervous as you are.” With that, he waved at Mrs. Kane then left. Clarke watched her father walk away before Mrs. Kane took her hand and led her into the classroom. It was small, smaller than Wells’ classroom from what she’d heard, but there were more kids than he’d told her were in his class. The walls were a plain white but they were decorated with paper flowers, butterflies, and hearts in every colour. 

After hanging her bag on the backpack hooks by the door, Clarke stared at the kids spread out across the space. Some were talking in groups, already laughing as if they’d known each other for years and maybe they had, while others hung off awkwardly to the side like she did. Before she could decide whether she should try and go up to anyone the bell rang and Mrs. Kane was clapping her hands loudly at the head of the class to get everyone’s attention. 

“Alright, class, quiet down.” The murmuring took a second to die down but when their teacher singled out two girls who were still giggling in the corner everyone finally stopped talking and paid attention. “Good. Now, as you all know by now, I’m Mrs. Kane and I’ll be teaching you for your first year of kindergarten. I look forward to getting to know you all and I thought the best way to do that is by starting right away. So, once we get the seating plan out of the way we’ll play some ice breaker games, does that sound fun?” That got mixed reactions but it didn’t seem to deter Mrs. Kane since she was already pulling out a white sheet from the drawer of her desk. “First things first: the seating plan. Alright, Robin Donnelly, you come sit here and Maximillian Johnson, you come sit next to him. Roma Bragg…” 

Clarke ended up being seated next to a boy with black hair and pale skin, Mrs. Kane had called him Monty Green, and he seemed nice. He was quiet and shy, like her, but by the time break rolled around Clarke was sure she had made a new friend. She couldn't wait to tell her dad, he would be so excited for her. At lunch, a pretty girl named Harper came and sat with them. She had a loud, infectious laugh and talked about a mile a minute. Clarke decided she instantly liked her. Monty agreed if the way he kept smiling at the new addition was any indication. A group of boys were seated at the table next to them, loud and boisterous in that annoying way boys were. Clarke wrinkled her nose in distaste at them and glared whenever they got too loud. Before she could turn back to her own friends, she saw another boy approach the table. She remembered him from the morning as one of the only other few kids who wasn’t making friends. He looked just as nervous as she did that morning, his dark eyes flitting nervously between the boys as he mustered up the courage to speak. Clarke found herself studying him, intrigued by the freckles that exploded like stars across his brown face. 

“Hey,” his voice was quiet but she was close enough to hear it waver, “can I sit with you guys?” He nervously pushed his black curls out of his eyes as the other boys took him in. She watched the interaction with bated breath, Wells’ words ringing through her ears. 

“No,” the pale boy with blue eyes laughed meanly, “freaks can’t sit with us. What’s wrong with your face anyway? Those little dots make it look like you’re sick. I don’t want to catch your weirdo disease.” The other boys all cackled and Clarke saw the quiet boy’s face fall, his shoulders curving inward as he seemed to retreat into himself. It was strange to see him look so small when he seemed a lot bigger than anyone else there. Maybe he was older?

“Hey!” She shouted, storming up to the mean boy. “That wasn’t nice at all. You’re a bully!” He glanced around at his friends before they all burst into laughter that had Clarke seeing red. 

“Oh, yeah?” Meanie smirked. “And what are you gonna do about it, blondie?” 

_You’re a strong, brave girl and you can stand up to anyone who’s being mean,_ her dad’s words from just that morning echoed through her head as she pulled back her fist before driving it forward, right into the mean boy’s nose. A crack sounded then a pained howl and the boy was clutching at his nose. Clarke’s knuckles hurt but she couldn't help smirk in pride. That’d teach him to bully other kids. 

“You shouldn’t be mean to people,” she chastised before turning to the boy with constellations across his cheeks. He stood, gaping at her with wide eyes. “Do you want to come sit with us?” He nodded, still not speaking but following to come sit beside her at the table where Monty and Harper sat staring at her as well. 

“What?” She demanded, trying not to feel embarrassed with all three sets of eyes glued to her.

“That was so cool, Clarke!” Harper finally exclaimed, a bright grin breaking out across her face. Monty eagerly nodded in agreement. Clarke blushed at the praise. “Someone needed to stand up to John, he’s such a meanie.” 

“Thank you,” the freckled boy whispered. Then, to all of them, “I’m Bellamy Blake.”

“Hi, Bellamy,” Harper giggled, “I’m Harper McIntyre,” she stumbled over the letters of her last name a little, “this is Monty Green,” the boy waved, “and that’s-”

“Clarke Griffin!” A shrill shout cut through the ruckus of the playground. Immediately, all eyes turned to the blonde, whose pale skin had gone as red as the strawberries she’d been eating. “Come to the principal’s office _right now!_ ” The teacher that was yelling didn’t look as nice as Mrs. Kane did and Clarke swallowed as she pushed to her feet. 

Before she followed the woman back into the school Bellamy’s voice called out, “Clarke, wait up!” She turned to find him running to catch up to her. 

“What are you doing?”

“It’s my fault you’re in trouble.” She shook her head to show her disagreement but he didn’t stop. “So, I’m going to come with you and we’ll explain everything then you won’t get in trouble.” 

Just as Clarke was about to respond, the mean teacher said, “Excuse me, young man, you can’t speak to her right now. She needs to go to the principal’s office.”

Bellamy shot the lady an irritated look. “I know. I’m coming with her. It’s my fault that she punched Murphy. She shouldn’t get in trouble because of me.” 

“Did you make her punch John? No, you did not. She did a very bad thing on her own and she has to get punished. Now, go back to your friends.” 

“I’m not leaving her!” Bellamy fixed the teacher with a stubborn stare. 

“Fine,” the woman sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before she turned on her heel and motioned for the two kids to follow her. “Shouldn’t have become a teacher in the first place. Goddamn kids.” Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other and struggled not to burst into laughter. 

Clarke got in trouble for hitting Murphy, both with the school and her parents - “You can’t hit anyone, sweetheart. You stand up to people with your words and actions, not your fists, okay?” - but wasn’t suspended. Which she had Bellamy and, surprisingly, Murphy to thank for. The injured boy had argued to Principal Wallace that he’d been asking for it anyway. At lunch later that day he came and sat with them, shrugging when they asked what he was doing and claiming, “Anyone who can punch like that is way cooler than those guys.”. After she’d made him apologize to Bellamy, they’d all accepted him as part of the friend group without any further struggle. 

That day, Clarke went home with bruised knuckles, three amazing friends, and a best friend with constellations splattered across his face. 


	2. Chapter 2

_2020_

_Present_

Clarke awoke slowly. The first thing she registered were the warm rays of sun shining through her opened curtains. She squinted her eyes against the light before letting them fall shut again. Huh, she must have forgotten to close them after getting home from the hospital last time. The second thing she registered was the warmth engulfing her, one she instinctively buried into. 

She was met with something solid. Slowly, she blinked her eyes open and was met with the sight of Bellamy’s hoodie-clad chest. They had gone to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, backs to each other and a fragile tension stretching across the space between them. Somehow, she’d ended up with her face pressed into his chest, legs entangled with his and his arms slung across her waist. 

In sleep, Bellamy seemed so peaceful. All of the stress that seemed to weigh him down and etch lines into his face vanished. He looked like the 18-year-old he was. Checking that he was still fast asleep, she chanced a long glance at him. A part of her didn’t want to detangle herself from his embrace, not after so long without it, but she knew she had to. This was too much too soon. Their newborn friendship was too fragile to do anything to risk its collapse. Sighing, she carefully untangled her limbs from his and pushed herself off the bed. Bellamy murmured sleepily, scrunching up his nose adorably, then grabbed her pillow and pulled it into his chest just as he’d been holding her moments ago. Who would’ve guessed that Bellamy Blake was a cuddler?

Biting her lip to keep from smiling at the adorable sight, Clarke tiptoed into her bathroom, careful to shut the door behind her quietly. Then, she quickly pulled off her clothes and jumped into the shower, trying to convince herself that the warm feeling engulfing her was from the hot onslaught of water, not the memory of waking up in Bellamy’s arms. 

When she emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, one towel wrapped over her body and another on her head, the bed was empty. It was made neatly, more neatly than she ever managed to get it to look whenever she felt like organizing her room. 

“Bellamy?” No response. She ignored the disappointment she felt that he’d left without saying bye. It was ridiculous, they would see each other at school soon anyway. She was being silly. 

Shaking her head to get rid of such stupid thoughts (and any thoughts of Bellamy), Clarke made quick work of getting dressed. Once she was clad in a soft grey sweater and dark blue jeans she made her way downstairs. As she went, she passed by her mother’s bedroom and could see the untouched state of it through the ajar door. Clearly, her mother hadn’t returned during the night.

“On the bright side,” she told herself bitterly, “you only have to make breakfast for one person today.” It didn’t make her feel any better. 

Only, it turned out she wouldn’t have to cook breakfast at all because when she stepped into the kitchen she was met with a surprise. A dish-towel was slung over his shoulder as Bellamy glided about the kitchen, a serene smile on his face that juxtaposed with the dark bruise that seemed even worse in the daylight. But he was humming some song loudly, occasionally murmuring the words, and looked so damn at ease that she couldn't help but focus on his joy instead. 

Leaning against the wall, Clarke watched him with an absentminded smile on her face. This Bellamy was so much like her Bellamy that her heart soared almost painfully. When he finally noticed her, his humming was abruptly cut off but the smile didn’t fade from his lips. No, quite the opposite. His eyes softened and he beckoned her forward with the wooden spatula he was cooking with. Shaking her head in amusement, Clarke slipped onto one of the stools by the kitchen counter. 

“Morning,” he greeted and that was when she noticed the streak of flour across his cheekbone. 

“Morning,” she giggled. “I thought you’d left.”

His smile turned shy. “No. I, uh, I thought cooking breakfast for you was the least I could do after showing up uninvited in the middle of the night. If that’s okay, of course! I can leave if you want.”

“No!” Heat rushed to her cheeks at her quick outburst. “Uh, no, this is great. Thank you.” They shared a smile. “So,” she grinned cheekily, “What’s on the menu this morning, Chef Blake?”

“I was thinking those extra fluffy pancakes your dad used to make us when we were kids. Those were always your favourite.” At the mention of her father the smile slipped off her face but she quickly recomposed herself before Bellamy could notice. “They take a bit longer to make but I figured since we both have the first two periods free we have the time.”

“Thanks, Bellamy, that sounds amazing.” He beamed and she knew concealing the truth about what had happened to Jake was the right choice. That was too much to throw at him so soon. “Smells delicious too.”

To absolutely no surprise, they tasted as good as they smelled. As soon as she’d shoved the first forkful into her mouth, a delighted moan escaped her lips. “Oh my God, Bell, these are so good! Thank you so much for this.”

Ducking his head in that adorable way he did when he got flustered, Bellamy answered, “Least I could do, Clarke.”

They made some light conversation as they ate and it got awkward sometimes, during some stretches of silence when neither of them knew what to say. There was so much to talk about, but they both held back. But it was better than before and it would keep getting better, she hoped. 

Once they were done, with everything cleaned and dried, Bellamy announced he should be heading home so he had time to get changed before class. When the door fell shut behind him, Clarke began gathering her things for school, wondering what the hell had just happened over the last 24 hours.

* * *

School was… strange. Somehow, it had been easier for them to fall back into their old dynamic when it was just the two of them. Now, with everyone and everything else around it was different. Not better, not worse, just different. They still challenged each other every chance they got, but now Clarke caught his small grins whenever she beat him and vice versa. It wasn’t how they were seven years ago or how they were just yesterday. It was new and different but they had changed over the past years, so their relationship had to as well. Whether that was for better or worse remained to be seen.

Their friends had noticed the shift too, with Monty shooting her confused looks and Harper giving her a thumbs up in English, a class the four of them shared. Of course, Murphy was acting like a smug asshole all through History, making a point to march straight over to her seat next to Emori even though they’d arrived at the same time. She rolled her eyes at his ‘I told you so’ smirk and slipped quietly into the seat next to Bellamy. She kept her eyes forward even when he shot her a warm look but she couldn't hide the small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Even Pike was shooting them smug looks that they both studiously ignored. 

When the bell rang and they all got up to head to lunch, Clarke hesitated, debating whether she should invite him to sit with them again. After the incident, as Wells often called it, he and Raven had migrated to the table where Finn Collins, Dax Shepherd, Roma Bragg, and Nathan Miller sat. She knew he liked Miller well enough, the two having been friends before the incident, and Raven was close with Finn but the others they didn’t get along with all that well. And with good reason, considering how Dax and Roma often spent their free time. 

“Hey, Bellamy?” 

He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to look at her. “Yeah?”

“Would you like to sit with us at lunch?”

A bright smile broke out across his face before it faltered, sparking Clarke’s anxiety. “I would, yeah, but can Raven and Miller join too?” 

“Of course.” Nevermind the fact that Raven still hadn’t spoken to her in years.

Before he could respond, an arm was being slung over her shoulder and suddenly Murphy was at her side. 

“If it isn’t my two favourite arch-enemies getting along. Never thought I’d see the day. I’m so proud.” He sniffled exaggeratedly and wiped a nonexistent tear away.

“Shut up, Murphy,” both of them groaned at the same time, only causing their friend’s insufferable smirk to widen. 

“Now come along, children, I’m hungry and we’re wasting time.” Murphy dragged them from the class and all the way to the cafeteria.

Today, the food being served was a sad slice of pizza with some boiled peas and the pale goop they insisted on calling mashed potatoes. Once all three of their tries were piled with the food, they made their way through the busy cafeteria to their regular table. Monty and Harper were already seated there, looking as if they were deep in conversation over something serious. As soon as they noticed the trio approaching, they abruptly cut themselves off. 

“Hey, guys,” Clarke greeted hesitantly, unsure of what they’d just interrupted. There was a strange sort of tension at the table but none of them dared to address it. 

“Hi,” the couple responded, eyes tight and smiles strained. Murphy shot her a concerned look but she just shrugged. She was just as confused as he was. 

When Bellamy took the seat next to her, Harper’s forced smile softened into a real one while Monty shot her a concerned look. It seemed the topic of interest was shifting now. 

“Uh, hey, Bellamy,” Monty’s tone was unsure as he addressed his old friend. 

Bellamy shot him a hesitant smile in return before he dug into his pizza. When Monty turned questioning eyes on her she gave him a reassuring nod and then he finally relaxed. 

“Um,” Bellamy spoke up, brows furrowed as he looked down at his phone, “I texted Miller and Raven to come and Raven’s bringing Finn if that’s okay with you guys?” Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, eyes flitting briefly to Murphy, only to find him already staring at her with raised brows. Neither of them was exactly fond of Finn Collins, not after what he’d tried to pull sophomore year. 

Still, Clarke found herself saying, “Sure, why not?” With a nod, Bellamy’s gaze returned to his phone as he typed out a response. 

A strong kick connected to her shin under the table and she glared hotly at Murphy. ‘Really?’ he mouthed. She simply shook her head and fixed her gaze determinedly on the sad slice of pizza hanging limply in her grip. The cheese was unpleasantly chewy as she bit into it but they’d all gotten used to the mediocre taste by now. 

“Where’s Emori?” Harper asked. 

“She has detention for trying to steal Pike’s wallet the other day,” Murphy explained.

“Weren’t you the one who dared her to do that?” Clarke asked, brows high, and he simply shrugged. 

Before any of them could chime in with a response, Raven, Miller, and Finn appeared. Miller, who was friendly with all of them, flashed them a small grin before he wordlessly dropped into the seat next to Bellamy. Raven on the other hand only curtly greeted Murphy, Harper, Bellamy, and Monty, completely ignoring the blonde before she sat next to Harper and beckoned Finn to sit between her and Murphy- who was currently glaring a hole through the long-haired boy's head. Even though she kept her gaze firmly away from him, she could feel Finn’s eyes roaming over her as he smiled at all of them. 

A moment of awkward silence descended over the group before Harper, ever the social butterfly, effortlessly steered to a conversation that had everyone chiming in cheerily. Everyone ignored that Raven never directed her comments at Clarke and Murphy’s thinly veiled hostility towards Finn. Clearly, this would not go as smoothly as it had seemed when she’d made up with Bellamy. In fact, her irritation with him rose every time he ignored Raven speaking over her or subtly insulting her but shot Clarke a disapproving stare whenever she interrupted the brunette. By the end of lunch, her jaw ached from clenching it so much.

The bell’s shrill ringing was, for once, a welcome sound and she shot to her feet immediately, grabbing her things and cutting through the crowd without so much as a wave in Bellamy’s direction. Maybe she’d been wrong to think they were still similar enough to be friends again, maybe they really had changed too much. A frustrated sigh escaped her chapped lips.

“Hey, Princess,” Bellamy’s voice rang out distantly. When she didn’t slow, he called out again, “Clarke, wait up.” But she pretended she didn’t hear him and allowed herself to be swallowed by the crowd. 

* * *

After school, she and Murphy drove over to the hospital to visit Wells. The others would all come on the weekend when their friend was allowed more visitors but the trio had always been the closest in the group. After the falling out with Bellamy, which meant that Raven - Murphy’s closest friend - had drifted away, he’d been drawn to Clarke, filling Bellamy’s vacated spot as her second-best friend besides Wells. 

“I thought you and Bellamy had fixed things,” Murphy, ever a perceptive little shit, noted on the drive over. He didn’t look over at her and his voice was nonchalant but she knew him well enough to hear the thinly veiled curiosity. 

“We did,” came her short reply and she gripped the wheel more tightly. 

“What was lunch all about then?”

“Nothing.”

“Didn’t look like nothing.” She glared at him but he didn’t seem bothered, determined to get an answer from her.

“Maybe we just don’t click the same way, you ever think of that? We’re different people now, Murph.” She kept her voice carefully even and casual as if she was making an observation about the weather, even though she knew better than to try and pretend with him. 

“From what I can see you two are the same stubborn pains in my asses you were seven years ago just with more communication problems.” He paused. “Talk it out, Griff. He tried to. You have to let it happen.”

“Why?” Finally, she snapped. “Why do I? We haven’t been friends for seven years and we’d be just fine if things went on that way. In fact, we’d be better off. Last time we were friends we just ended up hurting each other. Better for everyone if we can’t do that again.” Now that she’d said it aloud, Clarke realized the true reason she was hiding. It wasn’t that she’d lose their friendship again over one tense lunch, it was that she couldn't find it in herself to trust him again. Couldn't trust herself to be friends with him again.

“I’ve known you for over a decade. I know you’re whip-smart, stubborn, and dramatic.” He ignored her indignant expression. “But I never thought I’d call you a coward.” She couldn't think of a response.

They pulled into the hospital parking lot and that was the end of the conversation. But Murphy’s words kept echoing in her head even as they made their way to Wells’ room. It was only when they stepped in and were greeted by their best friend’s grin that she finally managed to push the topic to the back of her mind for the time being. She knew she would have to deal with it eventually, but not now. 

“Murphy!” Wells exclaimed. “You’re looking as weasley as ever.”

“Wells!” Murphy mimicked. “You’re looking like you got hit by a car- Oh, wait.” He cackled as Clarke hit him upside the head. Despite their trading of barbed insults, a usual characteristic of their friendship, she could tell the two were glad to see each other. 

“So Clarke managed to keep you in line, huh?” 

The other boy let out an overdramatic squawk of indignation. “Excuse you, I’m the one who’s been keeping our dear Lark in line. She’s become quite the rebel, I’ll have you know.” He slung an arm over her shoulder, squeezing her tight against his body as they marched to sit by Wells.

If her traitorous cheeks hadn’t flushed a bright crimson, Wells would have laughed off Murphy’s comment, ridiculous as it must have seemed to him. But his brows were raised in question at the color that her pale skin could never conceal. She shot a glare at Murphy, who smirked widely at her and winked, before rolling her eyes.

“Don’t listen to him, you know he’s a drama queen. I’m not a rebel or some shit. I just maybe did some not so polite things,” she conceded, knowing she was about to be interrogated. 

Before Wells could even ask, Murphy eagerly elaborated, “Oh, no. Our little bird here,” he used the nickname he’d given her once he’d learned what a Lark was, “was at one of her mother’s lovely gatherings when she decided to snatch some wine and slip into the garden to get drunk. When she finally returned she could barely walk in a straight line and promptly told some of the most annoying assholes there where they could shove their opinions and her mom was so furious that she would “behave in such a manner among civilized society” and that “if you ever do it again you’ll never see those heathens you call friends again” so our lovely birdie snuck out with the booze for us next time.” 

Wells snorted, “Oh, wow, such a rebel.”

“Shut up.” Both boys laughed. She tried to keep the scowl fixed on her face but failed. Her friends’ laughter was infectious. 

They spoke for hours, somehow effortlessly slipping back into their natural rhythm. Hours passed and Clarke’s throat ached with laughter. God, she’d missed this. She would never again take their time together for granted. Every smile and chuckle and smirk was a precious memory burned into her mind. 

As the end of visiting hours drew nearer, she decided to leave the boys alone for a moment, knowing that the two would want to catch up on “guy talk” or whatever. Quietly, she slipped from Wells’ room and made her way through the unpleasantly bright hallways of the hospital. If she remembered correctly, the bathroom was somewhere around here. Finally, she spotted the door and pushed it open. As soon as she stepped inside, she was met with the sound of muffled sobs. She rushed to the stall the sounds seemed to be coming from and found it unlocked. Worried that someone might be hurt, she didn’t think twice before pushing it open, revealing a young woman curled down on the floor. Her dark blonde hair obscured her features and she was curled into a fetal position, rocking back and forth shakily. 

“Are you hurt? What’s- Harper?” Clarke gasped, recognizing the form of her friend, and immediately dropped to her knees by Harper’s side. The younger girl didn’t react. Her sobs seemed to echo deafeningly against the walls of the empty bathroom. Clarke didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around her friend, holding her tightly as the other girl collapsed in her embrace. 

What could have been hours or minutes passed with Clarke whispering assurances in her friend’s ear before Harper’s sobs finally quieted into shallow breaths. A long moment of silence blanketed the space and she considered asking what had happened but ultimately decided against it. Instead, she pushed herself up and held out a hand for Harper. The younger girl stared at the outstretched palm with confused, blood-shot eyes. 

“Let’s go get you some air, yeah?” Mutely, Harper nodded and allowed herself to be led out to the empty parking lot of the hospital. There was a small bench just by the edge and the two girls sat there, both staring out at the darkness silently. 

It was Harper who spoke first, drawing Clarke’s concerned gaze back to her face even though the younger girl kept her gaze fixed down at her feet, “I- I messed up, Clarke. We were being so careful, I don’t- I don’t know how this happened. I mean, I do but- God, it’s just so crazy. I never thought- It was stupid but I just never considered-”

“Hey,” Clarke’s voice was soothing in an attempt to calm her friend, whose breath had started coming in short gasps again, “take a breath, Harp. It’s okay. Start from the beginning. Whatever it is, I’m here for you.” 

Nodding, Harper followed her instructions, chest rising with a shaky breath. “I’ve been feeling really sick lately and I got scared. I tried to hide it, at least until I figured out what I was going to do next but, of course, Monty quickly noticed something was wrong. He was hurt that I’d tried to hide it and worried. Kept pushing me to go to the doctor to see what was wrong but I kept refusing. It’s why we’ve been fighting so much.” Clarke inclined her head in understanding, seeing no point in pretending not to have noticed now. “I finally gave in today. Thought I’d come in for a quick check-up after school, get prescribed some medicine for an upset stomach or something, and maybe have enough time to drop in and check on Wells. I didn’t think-” She took another long, steadying breath. “The doctor did a blood test after I told him about my symptoms and he came back in a while later and he was looking at me with so much pity. Apparently I-” her eyes screwed shut as if she could barely bring herself to say the next words, “he told me I’m pregnant. And then he kept going on and on. Something about my options. But, God, I couldn't hear anything. All I could hear were the words ‘You are pregnant, Miss McIntyre’ over and over again. I kept nodding and I didn’t know what to do. I just needed to get out of there. So as soon as he let me out I ran. I ran, then you found me. And here we are.”

Clarke knew she had to say something, that she needed to assure Harper in some way, but all she could do was stare wide-eyed at her friend. Never, not in a million years, would she have seen this coming. That any of them would ever be pregnant and become parents? That had always seemed like such a distant, far-off thing. Something planned, after they’d all gone off to university, gotten married, lived in a house, maybe even gotten a pet or two. This? This scenario had foolishly never crossed any of their minds.

Finally, Clarke managed to overcome her shock. “It will be okay, Harp. This is terrifying, I know it is. I won’t pretend I understand, because I don’t. But you can do this. You have options. Arkadia has pretty good abortion laws-”

“I’m keeping it.” Harper’s voice was steady and unflinching, the first time it had been so all night. “I want to keep my baby.”

“Harper…” Clarke wanted to protest, tell her that it was crazy to have a baby at their age but thought better of it. Who was she to dictate how Harper should live her life? Just because Clarke would make a different decision about her life and her body it didn’t mean Harper’s was wrong. “Are you absolutely sure? You could take some more time to think about it.”

“Clarke, I know our plan was always to go to Ark U for pre-med, eventually even go to med school together, but lately I’ve been feeling less and less sure that’s what I want. And then I think about switching to a different major, maybe business, but I’m not sure I want that either. And don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely terrified, but this baby? It’s the only thing I’ve felt sure I wanted in a long time.” A moment of silence stretched between them, Harper’s defiant words echoing through her head while the younger girl’s eyes stared determinedly through her.

Finally, Clarke let a small smile twitch the edges of her lips upwards. “Then I guess I’m going to be an aunt.” Harper’s shoulders dropped with relief, an equally fragile smile appearing on her face. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell Monty yet?” Immediately, the smile slipped from Harper’s face.

“No. Honestly, I’m terrified. What if he wants me to get rid of the baby? What if he decides he doesn’t want to be the baby’s dad? I wouldn’t blame him, of course, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose him. I don’t know if I can do this alone.” Harper’s voice quavered again and Clarke covered the girl’s shaking hands with her own. 

“Harp, there’s no way in hell Monty would ever leave you to do this alone. Trust me, if it’s what you really want he’ll be ecstatic to become a father. Sure, it isn’t ideal but he will understand. Besides, if he doesn’t, you won’t be alone. We may not be the kid’s father but they’ll have a little army of uncles and aunts to help raise them. You can’t get rid of your friends that easily, we’re a stubborn bunch.” She shot her friend a wide smirk and Harper giggled, the anxiety seeping from her small frame just a little. 

“Yeah, we’re like a particularly unpleasant fungus.” Both girls startled at the familiar drawl of Murphy’s voice from behind them. They turned to find him looking somewhat sheepish, instead of his usual cocky self, despite his snide remark a second ago. “Sorry. I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything. I was just looking for Clarke since she seemed to vanish and overhead the last part of what she said. Kinda figured out what was happening from that.” When it didn’t seem like either girl was pissed off or inclined to give him a nice black eye, his signature smirk reappeared. “You’re glowing, McIntyre. I can really see that maternal shine” 

“God, you’re the worst,” Harper muttered but was unable to hide the smile on her face. 

“Fuck off, Murphy,” Clarke said at the same time, rolling her eyes. 

“Love you fuckers too,” he responded cheerfully. “Now, we should probably get out of the miserable cold before we freeze to death. Did you drive here or do you need a ride home, Harp?”

Harper shook her head. “I walked here but I can take an Uber or-”

“Don’t be ridiculous. If I’m going to be the kid’s favourite uncle I can’t exactly let his mom find her way home alone when I have a perfectly good car. Besides, I’m dropping Clarke off and your house is on the way there.” He spun on his heel, spinning the key ring around his finger with a loud jangle. The two girls shot each other an amused look before they followed him to his car. Clarke had only driven it on the way over since Murphy had wanted to finish an assignment before they got to the hospital. 

This time she got in the backseat to sit by Harper, wanting to provide silent support, and Murphy miraculously drove off without comment. The silence that enveloped the trio was somber but not awkward. Clarke laced her fingers through Harper’s and the younger girl squeezed her hand gratefully, laying her head down onto her friend’s shoulder. Clarke rested her head against Harper’s blonde hair and the next five minutes were only filled by the soft sound of the engine. They took a turn into Harper’s neighbourhood and Clarke tensed, remembering that Monty lived on the same street. She saw him peering somberly out of his window. Despite Clarke’s effort to not draw her attention, Harper spotted her boyfriend too. She swallowed, a small, determined frown tugging at her lips. 

“Stop here,” she whispered quietly. Murphy shot Clarke a concerned look in the mirror but pulled over. Harper gave Clarke’s hand a final squeeze before she pushed open the door and slipped out of the car.

“Harp, you don’t have to do this tonight if you don’t want to,” Clarke assured but the younger girl merely shook her head. 

“No, no. I want to- I need to do this.” The ghost of a smile graced her mouth. “It’s like you said, it’s Monty. There’s no one who’d handle this better than him. I need him right now.” At that, Clarke nodded and shot her friend an encouraging smile. With one last wave at the pair, Harper shut the car door and headed to the bright red door Mr. Green had painted that characterized their friend's house. 

“Harper probably doesn’t want us to stay, Clarke,” Murphy said, causing her to tear her gaze from the timid girl waiting to be let in. Sighing, she nodded and climbed into the passenger seat. “Hey, you know it’ll all work out. It’s Harper and Monty.” She buckled her seat belt and he drove off.

“Yeah,” she smiled, “I guess you have a point.” 

“Don’t I always?” She tossed a piece of paper he’d never bothered to throw away at his head and he ducked it with a laugh. “I was right about you being weird with Blake today too.”

“Shut up, Murphy.”

“I mean, you could practically-”

“I swear to-”

“-cut through that sexual tension-”

“JUST DROP IT! For once in your fucking life, mind your own damn business, Murphy.” His mouth snapped shut. The silence that followed her outburst was stifling but she couldn't bring herself to apologize. 

A droplet of water slipped down the window as the clouds broke with rain. She traced its path with her finger, leaning her temple against the cool glass. If she allowed herself to think about Bellamy, to talk about him, everything would come crashing down around her. The truth was that she needed him, had never stopped needing him, had never even hated him. All those arguments and barbed conversations had been a way to have him in her life, even when he didn’t want to be. Despite everything, she hadn’t wanted to let go of him seven years ago and she didn’t want to now. For the first time, they had taken steps to mend the chasm between them. So why did Clarke feel like all they’d done is fall into it?

She was startled from her thoughts when the soft hum of the engine was cut off and her house loomed up in front of her. Empty, dark, and deserted. Having Bellamy there yesterday had been the first time she’d felt it filled with life since her father had died and now…

Swallowing, Clarke eased the car door open and hopped out into the rain. It was cold and wet and altogether miserable. Fitting. Just as she made to close the door, Murphy called out to her again. 

“You need each other, Clarke. Don’t throw that away because you’re scared.” Silence stretched between them as she kept her gaze fixed firmly on the floor. The car door fell closed with a muffled thud and he drove away. 

Standing in the pouring rain, Clarke stared after the car until it was swallowed up by the darkness. 

* * *

On Saturday, she awoke to an empty house once more and a pit of worry settled in her stomach. It wasn’t uncommon for her mother to disappear for a day or two but never three in a row, not without at least a text. Despite knowing it was probably futile, she dialled her mother’s number and waited, chewing her bottom lip as the seconds ticked by with no answer. It was all she could do to keep from throwing the phone against the wall in frustration when she reached Abby’s voice mail. She took a deep breath, then another, and wracked her brain trying to think where her mother could have possibly gone. After calling the hospital her mother worked at, her mom’s best friend Rose, and even Jackson, her mother’s favourite intern, and coming up short, Clarke resigned herself to call the last person she could think of. Her mother’s estranged sister, the one she hadn’t spoken to in nearly twelve years. It was unlikely that would yield any results either but she was desperate. For all she knew, her mother could be lying dead in a ditch somewhere. 

“Hello? Who is this?” The demanding voice of her aunt sounded through her phone’s speaker. 

“Hey, Aunt Dee,” she greeted the woman she hadn’t spoken a word to since she was five. “It’s Clarke. I need your help.”

Neither woman spoke and Clarke’s anxiety spiked. What if her aunt wouldn’t help her? She had never been told why Aunt Dee didn’t come over anymore but clearly the sisters had had a falling out. The younger sister hadn’t even been present at her brother-in-law’s funeral. 

Finally, Charmaine’s familiar laughter echoed down the line. “You really are your mother’s daughter. Twelve years without so much as a peep from you and you finally call to ask a favour. That means you’re really desperate. Alright then, kiddo. What’s up?”

Shock reverberated through Clarke. She’d expected she would have a lot more begging to do. “You’re going to help me? Just like that?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want me to say no and hang up?” This was her aunt alright, just as snarky and sarcastic as she remembered. 

“No! No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised. I mean, you’re right. It’s kind of a shady move to just call you out of the blue when I need help.”

“Yeah, well, you always were my favourite niece. Never cared much for Nia’s girl.” She remembered Charmaine - or Diyoza, as she always insisted on being called - always being her favourite aunt too. Once she’d even asked her father if she had to lose an aunt, why couldn't it have been Aunt Nia.

“I- Thanks, Aunt Dee.”

“Don’t mention it, kid. Now, what’s wrong?”

“Mom’s missing. She’s been gone for three days and she won’t respond to any of my calls. I’m worried. She wouldn’t want me to tell you this but-”

“-Abby’s high off her shit? Yeah, I know.” Clarke’s mouth fell open. How? How would she know something her mother hid so well when the sisters hadn’t spoken in over a decade. “I also know exactly where my sister is, so don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. She’s safe. Staying with a friend of the family, Marcus.”

“Marcus? Like, Marcus Kane?” Her aunt hummed in affirmation. “Why would my mom be with him?” Clarke’s question was met with silence on the other end of the line and her frustration built. It seemed everyone knew so much more about the situation with her mother than she did and she was sick of it. 

“I can’t believe she never told you. After she promised me-” Suddenly, Diyoza’s voice sounded far away and a loud rustling accompanied her muttering. “-told her- never listens- fucking mess- poor kid- to know.” A thud and then a loud squeak. “Hang tight, kid. There’s a lot you need to know. I’ll be right over.” Her voice was loud and steady again. 

“Wha- Right over? You don’t even live in Arkadia. Shallow Valley is hours away.” But it seemed her protests fell on deaf ears.

“And I’ve got a perfectly good car. I’ll be there by tonight.” 

“Wait, no.”

“Bye, Clarke.”

“Can’t you just tell-” And the line went dead. Falling face-first onto her bed, Clarke groaned loudly, the sound barely muffled by her pillows. _At least_ , she told herself, _mom’s safe._ As strange as Diyoza was, she’d always been a brutally honest woman. If something was putting her mother in immediate danger, she would have been told. 

The loud ding of her phone caused her to lift her head from the pillow and glare at the device she’d left on the nightstand. Her instinct was to ignore it but after yesterday’s conversation with Harper, she didn’t want to risk missing a message from her friend. Only it wasn’t Harper’s name that had lit up her screen but Bellamy’s. At the sight of his text, her heart skipped a beat. Her head screamed at her to ignore it but Murphy’s words from last night echoed through her head. Fucking Murphy. With a resigned sigh, she opened her phone to see what he’d said. 

_Did I do something wrong?_

She stared at the words for a long moment, unable to think of a response. Technically, he hadn’t done anything. Not really. But Friday’s lunch still irked her, still made her hesitate to dive back into their friendship. But how was she supposed to tell him that?

_no_

His response came quickly.

_Wow, monosyllabic answer_

_I did do something_

_you didn’t_

_i’m just tired_

_Come on. Give me more credit than that, Princess_

_I’m sorry about whatever it was_

_Can we please talk?_

_nothing to talk about_

_everything’s fine_

_Please, Clarke. I want to fix this_

_You said you wanted to give our friendship another chance_

Guilt gnawed at her but she didn’t respond, setting her phone back down on her nightstand. She made her way down to the kitchen, trying to keep all thoughts of her mother and Bellamy from her head as she began to make breakfast. Which was hard, considering just yesterday morning it had been him standing at the stove making her Jake’s famous pancakes. Today, she chose to make a cheese omelette, another one of her father’s favourites. It was lonely to eat by herself, the silence almost stifling. She’d always hated the size of their house because, even with both her parents still around, it seemed empty, silent. Now, with her being the only occupant, it was unbearably so.

The loud knock that echoed through the house made her jump. It couldn't have been Diyoza, Shallow Valley was a seven-hour drive minimum. Murphy wouldn’t come around until she apologized for snapping at him yesterday, which she had to do soon. As far as she knew, Wells was still at the hospital and Harper and Monty were probably spending the day together trying to figure out what they would do next. That only left… 

“Bellamy?” When she opened the door, she found him staring down at her with a frown. “What the hell are you doing here? Is showing up at my door unannounced going to become a regular occurrence now?”

“You were ignoring me and I- I needed to talk to you.”

Anger flared up within her. “So that gives you the right to just show up whenever you want?”

He grimaced and shot her an apologetic look. “No, no, you’re right. I wasn’t going to come but Murphy said you’d want me to come but clearly he was wrong. I’m sorry.” He turned and began to leave. 

_I never thought I’d call you a coward._ Damn it, Murphy. 

“Wait,” she called out and he froze. Shit, what the fuck was she doing? “He was right. We should talk.” He turned and they stared at each other for a long minute. Then, she cleared her throat awkwardly and widened the opening for him. “Uh, come in, I guess.” Without a word, he stepped inside and she shut the door behind him. God, why was this so awkward? Just yesterday it had seemed so easy.

She led him to the living room, perching on the arm of the couch and gesturing for him to take a seat in the armchair next to it. Neither of them spoke at first, with Bellamy nervously wringing his hands and Clarke trying (and failing) not to track his movements. 

Finally, he looked up, staring straight into her eyes, and spoke, “What did I do, Clarke? I thought everything was going well but you wouldn’t speak to me after lunch and pretended everything was fine when I asked you about it. Did- did you change your mind? About this- us? Do you not want to give this another chance?” He looked so sad and vulnerable and her heart lurched in her chest.

“No!” She exclaimed, wanting desperately to get rid of that look on his face. “No, that’s not it at all, Bell.” That wasn’t entirely true but- ugh, why was this so hard?

“It’s okay if it is. I understand. But if- if it’s not,” God, the quiet hope in his voice was almost enough to break her, “and I did something wrong, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it, I promise.”

She sighed. “It’s not that simple. You didn’t really do anything. I just realized everything’s so different with us now. I just- I don’t know if we can go back to how we were.”

“That’s not a bad thing. We don’t have to be the same, Clarke. Different isn’t necessarily bad.” At the hesitant look on her face, he furrowed his brows. “But that’s not what this is really about, is it?”

Biting her lip, she glanced away. She couldn't look at him, not if she wanted to be brutally honest in this conversation. Murphy was right. Honest communication was what they needed. Shame they were both so shit at it. But she was determined now. “I don’t know how to trust you again, Bell. I want to try, I do, but I’m scared. I can’t bring myself to trust that you won’t just hate me again. To trust that I actually matter to you again.”

When she chanced a glance at him, she saw the regret and pain twisting his features but she knew her words had to be said if they wanted a shot at rebuilding their friendship. It didn’t matter how much it hurt to see him upset. 

“You do. I promise you matter to me so much. You’ve never not mattered to me. I never hated you. God, I’m so sorry. I get it, I do. I lost your trust and, if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day earning it again.” His eyes were wide, pleading but his shoulders were squared as if he was steeling himself for her rejection. Hadn’t he learned? She could never cut him out of her life. 

“Okay,” she whispered.

His head snapped up so fast something in his neck popped. “What?”

“Okay. I believe you, Bellamy. I know it will take time but I- I want to trust you again.” The wide, hopeful smile that burst across his face caused her heart to skip a beat. Not even a second later, he had her wrapped in his arms, face buried in her neck. She squeezed him back tightly. 

When he pulled back, the smile had faded and a serious but nervous expression was on his face once more. “I just have one more question. Why did you realize all of that at lunch? If there was something that happened, that made you feel that way, I don’t want to do that again.” 

Averting her gaze, she clenched her jaw and tried to figure out the best way to phrase her explanation. “Look, it’s silly, I know it is. But whenever I so much as cut off Raven at lunch you’d give me that disappointed look but the entire time she was either ignoring my existence, talking over me, or making all those snide remarks and you didn’t seem to give a shit. And I don’t need you to fight my battles for me or anything, I can handle Raven hating me myself. But this- I don’t know, it just made me feel like I didn’t matter to you as much as your other friends did. I know it’s stupid, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, no. It’s not stupid at all. God, I didn’t even realize that I was doing that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. It’s not true. I just- I don’t know. I guess I got so used to Raven talking about you like that I stopped really registering what it meant. That’s not an excuse though. I’ll do better, I promise.” The apology was etched plainly on his face. She was so sick of them being sorry. 

Smiling, she laced her fingers through his, running her thumb over the back of his hand gently. “I’m tired of us saying sorry, Bell. I believe you. I believe you want to earn my trust. And I’ll try to talk to you when I’m scared. Deal?”

He grinned. “Deal.” She mirrored his smile.

“Now, how about popcorn and a movie?”

* * *

_2008_

_Clarke’s 6th birthday_

“Happy birthday!” Harper nearly tackled Clarke to the ground with her hug. The five-year-old had barely stepped into Clarke's house before she threw her arms around the birthday girl. “I can’t believe you’re already six. I don’t turn six until forever.” The younger girl pouted but her smile was quick to return. “You’re like the most oldest in our class.”

Suddenly, there was a tall, warm presence at her back and a familiar laugh echoed around her. “Nope, I’m older. I’m already six and I turn seven in two months.” She whirled around to find Bellamy looking at her with a bright smile. “Happy birthday, Clarke.” She giggled and threw her small arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her back and lifted her as much as he could. Toes barely touching the floor, Clarke squealed with laughter. When Bellamy finally let her go, Jake was smiling down at the pair with a strange glint in his eye that neither noticed. 

“Clarke, look.” Harper waved the present Mrs. McIntyre had just handed her at her friend. “I helped my mom wrap it and everything.”

“Wow! Thank you, Harp.” Clarke took the present, moving to unwrap it but her dad plucked it right out of her hands. “Da- _dy_ ,” she whined but Jake waved her away as he added the gift to the ever-growing pile. 

“Later, Clarke. You have to have some patience.” Clarke pouted for a moment but she was soon called away by her friends who were still playing on the inflatable slide and bouncy castle Abby had gotten set up in the garden. Harper had already headed there upon spotting Monty and Murphy.

“Come on, Bell. Go on the slide with me.” She pulled him out by his hand and he laughed as they ran to climb up the slide. “Look! I can even go down backwards.” She demonstrated and he laughed as she tumbled backwards down the slope. They all spent an hour playing on the slide before they migrated to the bouncy castle, where Bellamy showed off his ability to do a flip, and back. Once they grew bored of the slide and bouncy castle, they began a game of hide and seek, which Clarke won because of course she knew the best hiding places in her own house. She shared it with Bellamy because he was her best friend, so he won too. 

“Hey!” Murphy complained. “That’s cheating. You can’t help other people.” Clarke crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Yes, I can.”

“Says who?”

“Says me and it’s my birthday so I get to make the rules. Bellamy’s my best friend so _duh_ I can help him win.” 

Before Murphy could reply, Clarke’s father announced that it was lunchtime and that they’d ordered pizza. All of Clarke’s friends rushed to the long, plastic table that had been set out with disposable plates and cups. The birthday girl, of course, sat at the head of the table and she insisted both Bellamy and Murphy sit to her left and right. Next to the plates, there were party hats for everyone and all the kids giggled as they snapped them on. Clarke got a pink paper crown that had “Birthday Princess” written on it in glittery letters. When Bellamy saw the crown on her head he grinned.

“Are you having a good birthday, Princess?” 

Laughing at the nickname, Clarke nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. I thought I wouldn’t, because Wells is sick and couldn't come and he’s my other best friend but today is the funnest.”

“If Clarke is a princess, does that mean you’re her knight in shining armour, Bellamy?” Murphy teased, speaking around a mouthful of pizza. “In all those dumb girly movies Harper and Clarke make us watch the princess always has a knight.”

“Ooh,” Harper squealed. “If Bellamy is Clarke’s knight that means that they have to get married when they’re grown-ups.” Clarke’s dad, who had overheard, chuckled quietly. 

Clarke grinned and leaned in to press a quick peck to Bellamy’s burning cheek. “Bell is my best knight.” He ducked his head but she could still see the shy smile on his lips. For the rest of lunch, his hand was wrapped around hers beneath the table. 

Too soon, the day began to draw to an end and kids were being picked up by their parents. In the end, only Bellamy was left. Bellamy’s mom had called and said she was sorry but she would be late. Clarke didn’t understand why she was apologizing. Bellamy’s mom being late just meant she could spend more time with her best friend. Jake had even offered to let Bellamy just stay the night considering his mom was going to be so late. After much pleading from her son, Bellamy’s mom agreed. Now, the two six-year-olds sat knee to knee on her bed.

“Can I give you your present now?” She nodded enthusiastically and he pulled a messily wrapped rectangle out from behind his back. He was blushing so brightly even his brown skin was tinted red. “It’s not that good. My mom said I couldn't buy you something new but I had to get you something.” In an incredible display of the patience her dad was always harping on about, Clarke ripped unceremoniously through the wrapping paper to reveal a worn copy of a book titled _Ancient Greece for kids_. It was a book she’d seen before. Bellamy, being as smart as he was, could read better than anyone else their age and often had a book with him at school. This was the one he had with him the most. He often told her the stories he’d read. “It’s my favourite book. And I wrote in notes that I thought you would like. It’s a bit old but it’s still-” 

“I love it so much. This is the best present ever. Thank you, Bell.” She tackled him in a hug and they both laughed. 

“You haven’t even seen the other presents,” he protested.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. This is the best one. But you know what will make it the bestest one?” He looked confused. “If you read it to me now. You can read better than I can anyway.” 

“Princesses have to get what they want.” He shrugged with a smile and they both leaned back against her headboard, with Clarke resting her head against his shoulder as he started to read the stories aloud to her. 

When Jake came in to check on the kids, he found the pair out cold atop the covers. His daughter’s head was tucked between the boy’s shoulder and head. An open book about Greek myths had fallen next to Bellamy’s legs. Jake chuckled at the sight and carefully tucked the two under the covers. Before he switched off the light, he shot a final amused glance at the slumbering children. 

As he let the bedroom door fall shut behind him, he hoped his daughter would always have Bellamy Blake to love her. 

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of the Donation Celebration of the 100 fic for BLM initiative. Donate to BLM organizations to prompt for any writer and/or creator that's part of the initiative. You can also prompt writers for new chapters of WIPs like this one.
> 
> https://t100fic-for-blm.tumblr.com/ for more info!


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